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To the tune of 'Beauty School Dropout,
with apologies to Grease...

'Scuba School Dropout'

(Lights, dry ice...)

Your story's sad to tell, sub aqua neer-do-well
Most mixed up scuba student in the sea
The water's so unclear now, your buddy's nowhere near now
You've kicked up all the silt within a mile......

(La, la-la-la, La-la-la, La-la laaaaaa laaaaaaa....
lalalala-lala lalalala-lala, lalalala-lala laaaaaaa....)

Scuba school dropout, no graduation day for you
Scuba school dropout, spat out your reg and you turned blue
The DM groaned, the students winced, your poor instructor cried
After spending all that dough you should have read your PADI guide

Better get finning (get finning) if you want to get back alive
Your head is spinning (is spinning), you got the dream, but - you can't dive!
If you head up to the surface you might find a helping hand
Turn in your SPG and head back to dry land

Scuba school dropout, your buoyancy is crap
Scuba school dropout, you're on the bottom on your back
you forgot your hand signals, don't know your NDL
Left your bottle standing, hit the boatman when it fell

Baby don't sweat it (dont sweat it) you're down to 20 bar
Better forget it (forget it) you'd hold your breath if you CESA
Now your weights are twirled, your fins are curled, your mask is full of sand
Hang up your BCD and head back to dry land

Baby don't blow it - don't put my good advice to shame
If you get bent, you've only got yourself to blame
You're out of air, no pony there, I've really got to fly
Gotta be going to that dive shop in the skyyyyyyy....

(Scuba school dropout, head back to dry lannnnnnnd,
Scuba school dropout, head back to dry lannnnnnnd,
Scuba school dropout......)